Can we climb this mountain I dont know Higher now than ever before I know we can make it if we take it slow Let's take it easy Easy now Watch it go
We're burning down the highway skyline On the back of a hurricane That started turning When you were young When you were young
From The Killer's "When You Were Young". It's my favorite song of all time. :)
I don't know why I like it so much, probably because of the music itself, the lyrics and the music video. I thought all were pretty amazing, for both the sound and picture quality. It's kind of an oddity, but I think The Killer's themselves are a bit odd, which is in part why I like them.
Also, I love The Beatles' "Across the Universe". Both for their abstract lyrics and likewise, the music quality. I can't like a song only for the lyrics, unfortunately, the music itself has to sound good for me to get into it.
Trying to be a play off of Billy Joel's song. The one about the Italian Restaurant?
Yeah, that worked.
Haven't written anything worthwhile in a bit, mainly because I haven't felt inspired. At least, not in the typical journaling sense. Usually I just vent, but I've started to feel like venting should be something done with people you trust and not the internet at large. Anyone could read it and make assumptions or create drama, not that this has happened to me, but I feel more like I can trust the internet with my good energy as opposed to the bad. Let's say this is me trying to turn over a positive new leaf.
It's fitting, this time of year, on account of it being near Autumn and all.
My Fall resolution is to allow myself to have negative feelings that don't build up, to feel angry or sad or unhappy for moments, but then to let them go. I have a tendency to bottle things, even things that aren't really an issue, but as they build up they form this dragon of negative feeling. I should also allow myself to be happy, which is hard to do when you're bottling negative emotion.
One thing I'm doing to feel more positive is trying to reach out and spend more time with friends and family, as opposed to spending every free moment alone in my room. Some days it feels like I never get any alone time, but others I have too much and it still doesn't feel like enough. It has a lot to do with the company you keep, I suppose. I have two jobs now and one of them is a highly positive environment with interesting people and creative work, at a furniture and home accessories retailer which inspires my creativity. I wish I was working there full time, but it will be a while before I can work up to that level. There's no guarantee that will ever happen, either.
My other job is another food service job, but different from my previous. It's higher class, but not much better for company. Between snooty clients and clique-ish co-workers, it's not a terribly positive environment, but I'm praying it's only short term. A friend (who is amazing and I love her!) has been trying to hook me up with a better job with her company, but it won't be available until October at the earliest. Still, I can't complain because some friends got me in here in the first place, so I'll just praise God for small blessings.
If I could be a guy for a day, I would... study male anatomy.
Seriously, as an artist, your body is sometimes your best reference point. It's why I'm so much better at drawing women then men. And after I finished with that I'd go and flirt with my girl friends. It's not gay if I'm a guy! :P (But then I'd totally flirt with Chris Colfer, because CUTE~~<3).
If they just weren't ready and we'd been dating a year or two, I'd be okay with waiting. If we'd been dating closer to five, I'd be wondering if they would ever be ready to commit to me, or if they're just hanging on until something better comes along. At that point I'd probably give them some kind of ultimatum, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life being their girlfriend, when I could be something more, part of something bigger then the two of us apart.
Also, I wouldn't start a family with anyone I wasn't married to, because then you're dragging children into an insecure relationship and that's not fair to the kid. Not to say people don't divorce each other every other day, but I hope whoever I married was smart enough to cotton onto the fact that "this means forever and not just a couple years or until you get bored with me". So if this person ever wanted to have kids with me, we'd have to be committed.
Basically, a failure to commit represents some kind of insecurity that I'm not willing to put up with after a certain amount of time. Marriage is forever and if they're not willing to face the scary parts with me (as well as the good ones) then I'm not going to waste my time on them or try and change their mind. I may love them, but I have to take care of myself, too. If there's no commitment from their side I'm sure any tears they shed for me will be few and not worth the years I spent committing myself to them.
So basically, I would wait a while, but when my heart starts breaking from being shut down time after time, my head takes over. In the end, commitaphobes and players will find themselves very much alone.
Only sometimes. And not you. I could never hate you.
I just... I really need a new job. This one, plus all the crap I'm trying to put in order right now gives me no time to recover from the constant barrage of irritating people I deal with day in and day out. My managers don't do anything but exasperate the situation, either, they don't listen to me when I say there are some things I just can't deal with (micro managing, crappy hours). It's like they live to make my life/job more difficult. Fuck them.
Anyway, I'm not going to rant about it again, I've already done that to my co-workers, roommate and besties too much. I won't be my mother and obsess over the things that get me down, I just have to learn to tell people what I think about them/what they're doing and let go of it. If they won't change that's their problem, I don't have to stay in a situation that drives me insane and they'll just have to deal with me not being their friend/flunky anymore.
As for my girl, Rock_Of_Five, I just want to say she's an absolute angel for listening to my crap late at night. I love you, dearie, and I wanted you to know that! <3
Man, I feel like I've become a real bitch over the last couple of weeks. Namely because my roommate is still an immature teen, but that's what I get for rooming with an 18-year-old who has no common interests and tastes with myself.
The story goes that I pretty much tossed all the alcohol from our apartment, because she was letting her (also underage) boyfriend get into it without my permission (do you go into your girlfriend's apartment and take from her roommate's beer without asking? RUDE.). Not to mention, I'm the one who is held responsible if anything bad happens to them while they're drinking. It was stressing me out and I don't need any additional stress, especially since my job is so stupid and ridiculously stressful. So I just ended up giving it all to my family, who I know will drink it responsibly. It makes me sad that it had to be this way, but she's the one who made it impossible to trust her.
Granted, it only happened once (though I'm not entirely sure it hasn't happened before), but I'm not the type of person to let anyone (guys least of all) walk all over me. Or, at least, I'm not that kind of person anymore. I used to be the type to just sit back and take whatever you threw my way, but nowadays I'm too much of a passive-aggressive bitch (and proud of it) to let it fly. At least my roomie can't complain about it, I've told her not to do this 4+ times before, and she's not old enough to drink/buy alcohol so I don't have to worry about her bringing it over anytime soon and having her own parties.
Definitely not rooming with her again after our lease is up. All the drama that has occurred in the last few weeks is more then enough for me, so I don't even want to think about it going on for another year afterwards. At least we still seem to get along in spite of it.
I think I just need to find a man with like interests/values and move in with him. Or become a lesbian. :P
I haven't posted in a bajillion years. For that, I make no apologies. You should know me by now.
SOOOO. I am freakin' excited. No, I haven't got a new/better job. Sadly. My own fault for being a lazy slug-human. But I digress, I am getting an apartment! You may now all indulge in a sympathy squeal.
I mean it, guys.
But seriously. SO excited. I've only ever lived in dorms and at home, so this is a completely new experience for me (and I don't think my stay in Berlin counts, I was technically in apartments rented by the school with many other students and under direct teacher supervision, so it was similar to a dorm).
My new roomie is this girl I've known for a few months (as we work together) and this is the first time she's ever had a place of her own as well. Granted, she's only 18, so it's a much bigger deal for her then me (exactly a week from being 24). But it WILL BE AWESOME. We're of a similar temperament, sort of homebodies who prefer movies to TV and fruity drinks to beer (technically she doesn't drink, but she likes daiquiris in a virgin sense).
The only thing I'm concerned about are her boyfriend and his friend, who I'm almost positive will be over at our place some of the time. I don't mind her boyfriend so much. He's this funny guy I've known for a few years, and he's pretty cool (if a little stupid, sometimes). His friend, however (who is also my roomie's friend by this point) rubs me the wrong way. He hasn't done or said anything untoward to me, but I have a bad feeling about him and unfortunately, I'm usually right about these kind of things. Not that I think he'd ever intentionally cause me trouble, specifically, but some of my roomie's friends (and sometimes her boyfriend) are not the brightest crayons in the box.
Now, I don't care what people do in their off time in their own spaces. Whatever, that's not my business or place to judge. I am concerned, however, they will bring their crap into OUR apartment and OUR space, where WE are responsible. Or rather, I am responsible. Since my roomie is under 21, if she or any of her friends were caught drinking or anything, I'd get in trouble. I've told her if I catch them smoking (not cigarettes) in our apartment, they're never allowed back. She agrees, and she hates that they smoke in the first place, so I'm not concerned about her causing any trouble. It's -ominous pause- THEM.
She mentioned giving her house key to her boyfriend, but I'm admittedly not comfortable with this idea. Or rather, I'm not comfortable with her boyfriend and his friend having unhindered access to our apartment (containing all our possessions, all of my alcohol, and all the potential damage they could do with both). I just don't think anyone should be allowed access to our place without either one or both of us present.
Now, maybe I'm jumping the gun on this, since I don't know her boyfriend's friend very well, but that's also part of the problem. I don't know him and the few things I've heard about him don't exactly paint him in a positive light. So I'm gonna tell her straight up that I'm just not comfortable with the boyfriend getting a house key. The only reason he should ever be around anyway is to see her (or if I'm around, hang out until she shows up), and he can't see her if she's not there, obviously. I hope she doesn't take it personally.
Lemme explain: my dad was in the navy when me and my sister were little, so we usually ended up traveling 7+ hours by car whenever we wanted to visit the nearest relative (and they almost never visited us, so it goes without saying we did a lot of road tripping). Long car rides are a tradition in my family, the same way weekly dinners may be in some other families (except we don't take these trips quite that frequently).
By now we have long car rides down to an art. When we were kids we whined and complained about it until we got gigapets. Gigapets got us through until we got gameboys. Gameboys did the same until we got a CD player, ipod, etc. However, nowadays I do my share of the driving, spend a good portion of the trip actually communicating with the other people in the car, update my twitter (when we actually get reception, driving through the mountains), doodle in my sketch books and then listen to my ipod.
Gameboys are great for long trips, they keep your kid's attention and are relatively quiet (and if they insist on listening to the game music, invest in a pair of headphones). Just throwing that out there to any parents who tire of the choruses of "Are we there yet?"